God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
