my being single is dangerous.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
