i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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