this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
