Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
