I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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