i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
