We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
