Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
