i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
