He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
