dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
