guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
