Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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