if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
