Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
