So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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