There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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