I cannot find my penis.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
