apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I am available for nakedness
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
