he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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