I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
