6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He felt like a one man threesome
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
