the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
