"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
