I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
