I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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