Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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