who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I deserve this hangover.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
