I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
