She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
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