Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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