I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
