i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
