dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
