I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
