get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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