ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
