yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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