He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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