Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
