I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
