dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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