the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
