Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
