Your mouth is God's brothel.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
