Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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