I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
