Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think your dad took our porno
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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