You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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