I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
