Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
