The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
