The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
