Moan for me like Helen Keller
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
