Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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